Nightmares

Nightmares, the one word that hasn't come to mind for a while now. Unfortunately they're back and they're horribly graphic and not only haunt me at night but also during the day. They haunt my thoughts, there's no way of getting them off my mind. I hear screams during the day that aren't there, the screams from a nightmare. You see, I am so used to a dreamless sleep. I never dream, the only dreams I have are 'dark' ones that involve violence or nightmares. The nightmares decided to come back yet again and I've been having them more than once a night, like I'll go from one to the other and when I awake after the second round of mental torture I am having a full blown spasm or similar.

I don't know what word to use to describe it but I think that word fits perfectly. In particular, I've been having dreams about people being burnt alive or people getting abuse without me being able to do anything to help them by people I 'trust'. For some reason I refuse to trust those people anymore because a lot of my dreams tend to come true, trust me, it's scary as hell when they do. Honestly, the night used to be an escape for me but unfortunately it's full of horrors like every other hour of the day which saddens me.

Darkness is yet another topic, which I'd say is linked with nightmares because both of them are horrors so I suppose they would be considered as 'linked'. Lately I've been bombarded by dark thoughts and 'visions', it's seriously disturbing. I am just trying to cope with what's thrown at me but at the moment I am quiet definitely struggling with it. People are beginning to notice it, someone a few lockers up from me is and that's definite. Constant, "Are you okay?" questions. Not that I have an issue with them.

I don't, it just makes me suspicious if they ask more than once a day. It's like, am I revealing to much of my true self and scaring them? Also the amount of hatred I have towards people, even people I don't even know too well is ridiculous. It actually scares my friends with the amount I hate people and the things I say. Like if I see someone walking off that I don't know but don't like I'll start muttering about how I'd kill them. It even scares me but it seems to happen a lot to the point where people don't feel safe around me.

Insanity and Sanity, sometimes I wonder if there actually is such thing as sanity or if everyone is actually insane. This is what keeps me up at night, I know I'd be on the insane side of the scale. It makes me think, maybe sane people are actually insane. What makes someone insane, why are some people insane? They're questions that will most likely never get answered in my lifetime at least.

Paranoia is also a big thing that plays on my mind, I guess because I am a paranoid person. Like very paranoid person to the point where I think that there is someone behind me every second, I worry about people knowing what I'm thinking, who I really am and knowing about my past which really stresses me out. I wish I wasn't paranoid but I honestly can't help it, that's been getting worse. My mind is just becoming an incredibly dark place and it scares me.

I don't have much to say which doesn't involve dark topics so I plan to stop writing here.